Monday, 13 December 2010

The Jefferson All-Bears

The Jefferson All-Bears were a poignant bunch. They littered and furthered themselves and tittered like manipulative troll women discovering a mine of vaginas (not suspecting the plague of dicks that was upon them).

The economy suffered. The All-Bears were just a violent rip-off and sucker punched their way into the heart and soul of the universe.Bad habits. Bad news. The frequency they used to pick up girls on was the wrong channel (if anybody asked). There is only so much stomach a boy can take before he becomes a man, And the Jefferson All-Bears knew it.

The morning before the big day, the whole bunch were sitting on a putrid pier eating pizza ( eight bears=four slices).

The gravel that chocked their ancestors lay at the bottom of a shallow sea-bed and waited. They waited. They just waited. Then all of a sudden a big wave came crashing down and knocked the All-Bears from their perch. All scattered. All screaming.

Into the sea...

(to be continued)

Friday, 29 January 2010

It was only a matter of time...

After that film about virtual bestiality by James Cameron becomes the biggest film ever the following news comes as no surprise...just as I predicted some moons ago 3-D pornographic films are now being developed. Personally I think they should spend the money on applying the 3-D technology to classic movies. I have always wanted to see Schindler's List in 3-D.


All things must pass, and the company that was run by the cartoonish Movie producers Bob and Harvey is no more.

Miramax created some great films like Pulp Fiction,From Dusk Till Dawn. Good Will Hunting, Swingers, Clerks,No Country For Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Sliding Doors and Hellraiser:Inferno. Yeah. Scrub that last two.

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

Coming Soon: Auntie Morag's Puff Cream-Pie


JCVD is 50 years old. He also wants a fight. Here's word from the man himself:

“I want to do three reality show: One casting one, one behind the scene of a movie called The Tower, and another TV show where I sign to fight with a big champion named Somluck. He’s a Thai fighter that’s got about 300 fight in English boxing and 250 fight in Muay Thai.

“And once we have all da TV show, we are gonna fight in Macau, in three weeks after the TV show, and the movie come out. So between September and October, we have a movie come out, the end of three TV seasons, and a fight. It will be the first time in history and also the first time a guy at 50-years-old will go for a fight in Macau. [Ed. note: if he hadn't added 'in Macau', I'd point out that Ron van Clief was 51 when he got choked out by Royce Gracie at UFC 4] Which is kind of dangerous, but life is short, and I want to do this for two reasons: to prove to young people, and to mature people, that a man can go thought training and also be a movie star, like Hollywood gets reality.”